All Mums experience some form of guilt - it could be a feeling that they haven't done enough for their children, the fact that they've gone back to work and their kids are in childcare, or that they are doing something for themselves.
In fact, the moment you are a mother, you will have guilt, irrespective of the fact that you are young or old, working or have never worked a day in your life.
Parenting expert and author of Addicted to Stress, Debbie Mandel, reckons we learn't from our mothers and grandmothers that we were responsible for everyone’s happiness. By the same token we were taught to feel guilty when expressed our free spirit or individuality at school (ie. "Don’t show off"). But this kind of guilt just stifles identity and spontaneity.
“And when we feel guilty, " she says, "we try to make amends by engaging in overworking. This makes most mothers a low priority on the daily to-do list, as they feel selfish do something for the self which does not involve the family.”
So what to do? Well about the only thing you can do to save your sanity is to leave the good-girl zone and get some balance in your life.
Try these 5 tips on how you can put yourself first.
Looking after children, babies and toddlers in particular, is exhausting – it takes a lot of energy and concentration. Taking a short break each day, whether it's to catch up on your favourite TV show, read a few pages of a book, listening to music, or talking with your partner or husband, can put a long day into perspective and help to re-charge the batteries.
Learn to say 'no' more. If someone asks you to do something this week that you hadn't planned on – think about whether it will benefit your family. If the answer is no, then say no. You have enough on your plate already without putting yourself under the extra pressure.
Share a problem to find solutions
Accept the fact that you don't know everything and sometimes you just need to ask someone for help – from your neighbour, sister, Mum or friend.
Schedule 'spare time' in your diary
You schedule in a doctor's appointment – do the same thing for your spare time and respect the commitment you have made to yourself by keeping the appointment. Ditch the mother's guilt, and do something you enjoy each day, even if it's only for 15 or 20 minutes. Meditate to music, do some gardening, go for a quick walk around the block to clear your head and get some perspective.
Take small steps to being fitter and healthier
Don't rely on motivation to get you out the door each day. Take action! Research shows that just by taking small changes to what you eat and getting out for a walk each day can mean big changes to the quality of your life and health over time. Going for a run or preparing veggies to go with your pasta might seem like an extra hassle – but exercise and a good diet are closely linked to better mental health.
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